Winds of Change

What Would Merlin Say?

From an earlier post:
Gale: and who will it be blamed on?
Melvin: Iran? 
Gale: yes
Melvin: nah
Gale: or Syria
Melvin: though that would be interesting
Melvin: not that they need a direct connection
Melvin: of course

Melvin: i hope you're wrong
Gale: so another terrorist attack or two
Melvin: but i dont see it going any further
Gale: and bam - bombs start flying

Gale: we are one terrorist attack away from Bush and Co doing whatever they want
Gale: one attack in our country
Gale: and it will happen
Gale: just like 9/11 did
Gale: with our govt. ushering it in

And now we have:

From the latest print issue of The American Conservative:

The Pentagon, acting under instructions from Vice President Dick Cheney's office, has tasked the United States Strategic Command (STRATCOM) with drawing up a contingency plan to be employed in response to another 9/11-type terrorist attack on the United States. The plan includes a large-scale air assault on Iran employing both conventional and tactical nuclear weapons. Within Iran there are more than 450 major strategic targets, including numerous suspected nuclear-weapons-program development sites. Many of the targets are hardened or are deep underground and could not be taken out by conventional weapons, hence the nuclear option. As in the case of Iraq, the response is not conditional on Iran actually being involved in the act of terrorism directed against the United States. Several senior Air Force officers involved in the planning are reportedly appalled at the implications of what they are doing--that Iran is being set up for an unprovoked nuclear attack--but no one is prepared to damage his career by posing any objections.

Way to go, Dick.

This is more soothing

Download perfect_soldiers.mp3

For You Leonard Cohen Fans

This has become a regular on my playlist!

Download artist_track_15.mp3

Like it?

Still too much time on my hands...

How Deep is the Rabbit Hole?

Gale: hey there
Melvin: hey stranger, how you been?
Gale: ooh - surviving!
Gale: and u?
Melvin: yeah bout the same
Melvin: i got the impression a lot's been going on
Melvin: big changes and such
Melvin: you ok?
Gale: yes
Gale: i'm as ok as it gets I think
Gale: not real happy with my life - but what is new?
Gale: you getting bad weather there?
Melvin: yeah
Melvin: you were relatively happy before i think
Melvin: at least with your work i thought
Melvin: maybe not relationships
Melvin: yeah, bad weather
Melvin: worse further south though
Melvin: there too?
Gale: we had storms this evening but not related to the hurricane
Gale: work is happy with me - i'm less and less happy with it
Melvin: right
Melvin: well that's unfortunate
Melvin: cause you seem to be quite good at it
Gale: feel like I'm sacrficing too much
Melvin: ah
Gale: i know
Melvin: of your life, self?
Gale: both
Melvin: ah
Melvin: yeah that can be a prob.
Melvin: can you cut back some?
Melvin: or is it impossible
Gale: and life is too short - and may be shorter...
Gale: spent too many years unhappy already
Melvin: what do you mean shorter?
Melvin: you sick?
Gale: i've been having health problems some, but more that I think the world is heading for a massive crash
Melvin: ah
Melvin: hopefully nothing serious
Melvin: the world?
Melvin: who knows
Gale: if i had no kids - I'd be getting off the grid right now
Gale: leaving society behind
Melvin: where to?
Melvin: where you gonna go?
Gale: this one blog I used to read - I don't read any much now - she lived here in H. and has moved to Nicaraugua
Gale: left the US because she couldn't stand to be here
Melvin: ah
Gale: i don't have plans to go anywhere
Gale: the kids graduate in three years and then I will decide my life
Melvin: right
Gale: what's been happening with you?
Melvin: not to much
Melvin: same ole same ole
Melvin: still seeing S.
Melvin: though we have tried to break it off a few times
Melvin: but keep coming back
Gale: wow - that's a long time
Melvin: we had a good time yest.
Gale: great!
Melvin: yeah..been about 2 years
Melvin: she';s not real happy with her life either
Melvin: though who is these days
Gale: true
Gale: all my old loves keep reappearing
Melvin: oh wow
Melvin: is that a good thing?
Gale: I don't know
Gale: i'm going to see B. in S. L. in Aug.
Gale: not sure if you remember his story
Melvin: is he the younger guy?
Melvin: i think i remember him
Gale: aren't they all? ;-)
Melvin: hee
Melvin: yeah i guess so
Gale: he had a lot of problems
Melvin: yeah
Gale: i moved away wanting him to ask me to stay - he wanted me to not want to move
Gale: anyway - he says he has gotten his life together and wants me to see what he's doing now
Melvin: wow
Melvin: it's been a while though right?
Gale: yes - 3 years now
Gale: not sure that anything will develop except maybe closure
Melvin: how does it feel to you
Melvin: the idea of seeing him?
Gale: a little risky
Melvin: what happened to the man you were seeing there
Melvin: you seemed happy with him
Gale: he's now dating the woman he was in love with while in grad school
Melvin: oh
Melvin: wow
Gale: saw the guy this past month who broke my heart a couple of summers ago
Melvin: yeah..who was that?
Gale: the guy who broke my heart a couple of summers ago was the man I had a fling with in B. Melvin: oh yeah
Melvin: i remember that
Melvin: but he was married
Melvin: right?
Gale: the soap opera of my life
Gale: might as well have been - living with someone 7 years and raising her child
Melvin: right right
Melvin: and there was guy who never returned your calls
Melvin: was that B
Melvin: or someone else
Gale: lol not sure
Melvin: j?
Melvin: is there a j?
Melvin: lol
Gale: yes
Melvin: ok
Gale: I think that was j
Melvin: yes
Melvin: hard to keep up with your lovers lol
Gale: he's been messaging me lately
Melvin: ah..wow
Gale: all the chickens have come home to roost!
Gale: LOL
Melvin: haaaaaaaaaaa
Melvin: when it rains it pours
Gale: or storms in my case
Melvin: yes
Melvin: and the crazy stalker at work?
Melvin: what of him?
Gale: he left thank god
Melvin: good!
Gale: after I kicked the building man out of his position
Gale: and took away his keys
Melvin: wow...good!
Gale: I might write about B on my blog
Gale: it has an interesting twist and connection to the things I've been doing lately
Melvin: phone
Gale: :-P just like the good ole days
Melvin: heehee
Melvin: yeah a lot of people seemed to have slowed down or stopped blogging
Melvin: recently
Melvin: either real life problems have taken over
Gale: i don't think we recovered from 11/2
Melvin: or people or overwhelmed by the political situation here
Melvin: right
Gale: i realized a few weeks ago that is part of my problem - I've given up hope
Gale: hard to do my kind of work when you don't have hope
Melvin: yeah i know
Melvin: but you can get it back
Gale: can I?
Melvin: yeah
Melvin: one good thing politically
Melvin: is at least folks are starting to question
Melvin:the Iraq thing
Melvin: better late than never i suppose
Gale: but its not changing anything
Melvin: no..change takes time
Melvin: but just rising doubts
Melvin: is something i never thought would happen
Gale: I don't know that we have the time it will take
Melvin: of course we do
Melvin: why are you thinking so fatalistically?
Melvin: what do you think might happen?
Gale: more bombs more war
Gale: more 9/11's and then 7/7's
Gale: it's already happening
Melvin: oh sure
Gale: have you heard of the Merlin Project?
Melvin: but it's not like time will end
Melvin: this terror cycle is just beginning
Gale: but human life might
Melvin: i agree
Melvin: how so?
Melvin: what's that?
Gale: everyone ratcheting up the violence
Gale: the nuclear options will be used
Gale: and if not that - everything, everyone is predicting a mass reduction in the human population by 2010
Gale: probably 2008
Gale: 4 out of 5
Gale: gone
Melvin: wow...seems a bit extreme to me
Gale: the neocons are hoping for it
Gale: say its the only way to maintain control of the world and the dwindling resources
Gale: so they might as well make it happen and control who the 1/5 gets to be
Gale: the Merlin project is a computer program designed back in the 80's
Gale: by a couple of scientists and philosopher historian types
Gale: they felt things could be predicted because there is a pattern to everything
Gale: so they created the Merlin Project
Gale: which has been startling accurate
Gale: and now guess who pays them for their info?
Gale: the Pentagon
Melvin: wow
Gale: the Pentagon pays them and then prepares for "scenarios"
Gale: based on what they say is coming
Gale: the Merlin Project is predicting a mass decline in population in 2008
Gale: so if you had the power - would you try to "manage" the predicted disaster?
Melvin: well they're only 80 percent accurate
Melvin: lol
Gale: where do you get that?
Melvin: on their website
Gale: you googling Merlin Project?
Melvin: yeah
Gale: lol
Gale: thought I was making this up?? :-)
Melvin: hee
Melvin: no, just checking it out
Melvin: lol
Gale: I learned about it from a website http://rigorousintuition.blogspot.com/
Gale: if you like your tinfoil hat you might like reading it
Melvin: hee
Melvin: yeah yeah apocalypse revelation whatever
Gale: no - what this man Jeff Wells points out -
Gale: it doesn't matter if we believe the predictions
Gale: the Pentagon believes
Gale: and the neocons believe
Gale: and they are paying big bucks to the Merlin People
Melvin: well i believe the Necons will overreach
Melvin: if they havent already
Melvin: when you think about it
Melvin: as long as we've had the nuclear bombs
Melvin: it's amazing the world hasnt gone up in smoke already
Melvin: came down close in 61
Melvin: or 62
Gale: oh I believe they are overreaching
Gale: and they will bring us all down with them before giving up their power
Gale: this is it... between now and 2008
Melvin: nah
Melvin: not gonna happen
Gale: when there is another election
Melvin: nope
Gale: they have to do what ever they are going to do
Gale: and they know it
Melvin: i dont think so
Melvin: they've had their little dream
Gale: I hope you're right
Melvin: it didnt work
Gale: it is working
Melvin: they dreamed of so much more
Melvin: no..not as planned
Melvin: they thought this would be easy
Gale: so they are getting desperate
Melvin: they'd have the whole middle east by now
Gale: and desperate people do desperate things
Melvin: nah
Gale:Iran is next
Melvin: we're not that crazy yet
Melvin: to allow it to happen
Melvin:iran has been next for a while 
Melvin: but they cant seem to make it happen
Gale: the little bombing display in London
Gale: who do you think did it?
Gale: and who will it be blamed on?
Melvin: Iran? 
Gale: yes
Melvin: nah
Gale: or Syria
Melvin: though that would be interesting
Melvin: not that they need a direct connection
Melvin: of course
Gale: and you can't sit there and take a terrorist hit on your own land and do nothing now can you?
Melvin: nope
Melvin: i think this bogging down in Iraq
Melvin: has changed their plans
Gale: they don't care
Melvin: their silly dreams
Melvin: didnt work
Melvin: and they know it now
Gale: not at all
Gale: let the place go to hell and blow each other up
Gale: that has been their plan all along
Gale: it is going fine
Gale: they just can't be to gleeful in public
Melvin: well i dont think so
Gale: as they plan their next terrorist attack
Gale: and give us reason to bomb another country
Melvin: not feasible
Melvin: as much as they may like it
Gale: i hope you are right
Melvin: the reaction now against IRaq war is a GOOD thing
Gale: they don't care about feasible anymore
Melvin: they have to
Melvin: it's politics
Melvin: and you can go over the line
Melvin: they already pushed it to the limit
Melvin: they know that
Gale: not when you hold all the power and the voting machines
Gale: we will never have an honest election in this country again
Gale: the powers that are will continue
Melvin: well it's bad..but not that bad
Melvin: as you're painting it
Melvin: i hope
Gale: who has questioned the attacks in Londonas anything but another attack by islamic fundamentalists?
Gale: everyone immediately said see - they still hate us
Gale: we have to get them
Gale: and it wasn't even that bad - in the scope of things
Gale: doesn't have to be anymore
Gale: everyone has bought the story before it is told
Gale: this man Jeff Wells - quotes a lot of Cohen and Dylan lyrics on his blog
Melvin: so who are you saying did it?
Melvin: of course they hate us
Melvin: and will continue to hate us for many years to come
Gale: Bush and Co
Gale: just like 9/11
Melvin: nah
Melvin: i dont buy it
Gale: do you not think our intelligence has the ability to stop what they want?
Gale: they allow to happen what they want to happen
Gale: and encourage
Gale: and participate
Melvin: Madrid too? 
Gale: yes
Melvin: so there are no islamic fundamentalists who want to kill us?
Gale: google Operation Gladio
Gale: there probably are at this point
Gale: and our govt. is using them well
Gale: funding them
Gale: making sure govt. agencies are stood down when needed
Melvin: so why not take Saudi Arabia?
Gale: why bother?
Gale: they need the hate against us to continue
Gale: they foment it
Melvin: to what purpose?
Gale: to give them reason to go to war
Melvin: so they can wipe out the entire middle east
Melvin: and put up Mcdonalds?
Gale: metaphorically yes
Melvin: so why not just do it
Melvin: we've got the nuclear capabilities
Gale: that's what I believe is coming
Gale: but China and Iran and Korea aren't going to play along
Gale: and will join forces
Melvin: yeah, it's just not that simple
Melvin: that's what i'm saying
Melvin: they can overreach
Melvin: and have
Melvin: just like Vietnam
Gale: but the showdown is coming
Melvin: between who?
Gale: the Neocons and everyone else
Melvin: i dont think so
Melvin: that's where we disagree
Melvin: now if they start fabricating shit
Melvin: to go into syria and Iran
Melvin: then i may change my mind
Gale: if?
Melvin: hasnt happened yet
Gale: ok
Melvin: it would be almost impossible
Melvin: to fabricate on the scale
Melvin: that Iraq was
Melvin: especially after they've been found out
Melvin: a bit too late
Melvin: but better late than never
Gale: see I don't think they care
Gale: and they know their time is running out
Melvin: i hope you're wrong
Gale: so another terrorist attack or two
Melvin: but i dont see it going any further
Gale: and bam - bombs start flying
Melvin: well they'd have to really fabricate that one
Melvin: and blame it on Iran
Melvin: but i dont see that happening
Gale: and as you say - there are those that hate us now
Gale: a whole region
Gale: the middle east
Melvin: they already did
Melvin: believe me
Melvin: it's just worse
Melvin: i was there
Melvin: so were you
Gale: it sure is
Melvin: they've turned 'normal' men
Melvin: and women
Melvin: into enemies for sure
Melvin: into radicals
Melvin: Iraq is now a training ground for terrorists
Gale: and whether or not they actually attack us, it will be easy now to carry out an attack and have everyone believe they did
Gale: yes - thanks to our govt. who knew exactly what they were doing
Melvin: maybe
Melvin: we'll see
Melvin: i used to think that would happen
Gale: Iran is joining forces with Iraq
Melvin: well dont you think they have to 'secure' Iraq before they go to other countries?
Gale: secure it for what?
Melvin: even conservatives realize that
Melvin: for business
Melvin: for so called 'freedom'
Gale: no they don't
Gale: right
Gale: for all those bogus ideas
Gale: like freedom
Melvin: but even the conservatives
Gale: there will be no freedom there
Melvin: and hence the American people
Melvin: will start to question that
Gale: they won't have time to
Melvin: only the most staunch Kool aid drinkers
Melvin: like Hannity
Melvin: wont
Melvin: others will
Melvin: they cant get away with it
Gale: we are one terrorist attack away from Bush and Co doing whatever they want
Gale: one attack in our country
Gale: and it will happen
Gale: just like 9/11 did
Gale: with our govt. ushering it in
Melvin: and a draft?
Melvin: we dont have the resources
Melvin: you start a draft
Melvin: and people will wake up
Gale: you don't have to have the resources if you pull all the troops out of  Iraq and then bomb the whole region Melvin: you mean nuke it?
Melvin: that won't fly
Gale: sure as hell well if one of Iran's bombs heads this way Melvin: they got a nuclear one yet?
Gale: i'm sure they do
Gale: as well as N. Korea
Gale: and China has enough to spare
Melvin: that's why we dont go any further
Melvin: not a reason to
Melvin: these guys are crazy
Melvin: but not stupid
Gale: but they will not give up their power or their plan for power
Gale: they have nothing to lose
Melvin: i dont know
Gale: because if they lose their power - they have lost everything
Melvin: wolfowitz has backed off
Gale: might as well be dead
Melvin: they have plenty of power
Melvin: they've found the limits
Melvin: there are limits
Melvin: that's where we disagree
Gale: i'm not so sure
Melvin: well i hope i'm right here
Gale: me too
Gale: and in 2009 I will have to come down out of the mountains and get a job
Melvin: ha
Melvin: absolutely
Melvin: just like those in the homemade bunkers in the 60s
Melvin: though it damn near almost happened
Melvin: and what you;re painting COULD happen
Gale: yes it did
Melvin: but it's a worse case scenario
Melvin: which does you no good
Melvin: to even ponder it
Gale: i see all the pieces coming together
Melvin: well stop!
Melvin: it will drive you crazy
Gale: stick my head back in the sand?
Gale: I'm already crazy
Melvin: hee
Melvin: retreating
Melvin: to some hill
Melvin: is sticking your head in the sand, isnt it?
Melvin: sending out your death antennae
Melvin: is hardly healthy is it?
Gale: no - it is trying to have some happiness in the time we have
Melvin: hell, that's true everyday
Gale: exactly
Melvin: whether the world ends or not
Gale: and living this life aint cutting it anymore
Melvin: we are mortal
Melvin: well that's for you to decide
Melvin: for sure
Gale: something has to give
Melvin: i imagine it will get worse before it ever gets better
Melvin: that's History for you
Gale: how bad is it going to get is the question
Melvin: yep..always is
Melvin: and always seems like the worst
Gale: and who will survive?
Melvin: though in reality it's always been bad
Melvin: and yet never quite that bad
Melvin: if you know what i mean
Melvin: right..
Melvin: we've come to the brink before
Melvin: worse than now
Melvin: and it's true with Bush at the helm
Melvin: things definitely have a good chance of getting worse
Gale: i think we are closer to the brink than we know
Melvin: a whole lot worse
Melvin: yes i know you do
Melvin: i dont think so yet
Melvin: but we'll see
Melvin: what they do next
Melvin: will be key
Melvin: but as i said
Melvin: and keep saying it is a Positive
Melvin: note that people are now questioning the Iraq War
Melvin: and Bush had to go on the defensive
Melvin: this is good!
Gale: we will see
Melvin: right
Gale: I need to let the dog out - brb
Melvin: ok
Gale: stupid dog is afraid of storms
Gale: won't go outside
Melvin: hee
Gale: and Peanut is here too
Gale: running around
Melvin: who's peanut?
Gale: the dog who lives next door
Melvin: ah
Gale: maggie has a better social life than I do
Melvin: hee
Gale: she has sleep overs!
Melvin: ha
Melvin: well it's time for bed
Melvin: nice talking to you
Gale: ok
Gale: was it nice?
Gale: lol
Gale: ;-)
Melvin: nice and depressing
Melvin: lol
Gale: haa
Gale: live in the moment
Melvin: indeed
Melvin: me too
Gale: get those wet clothes off
Melvin: hee
Gale: sweet dreams
Melvin: it's just your latent power to inspire
Melvin: being buried by Mercury
Gale: yes
Gale: i'm sure that is it
Melvin: or something or some computer named Melvin
Melvin: hee
Gale: merlin
Melvin: yeah
Melvin: him
Melvin: lol
Gale: lol
Gale: i may blog parts of this chat
Melvin: cool
Gale: and protect your identity
Melvin: call me Melvin
Gale: haa!
Melvin: hee
Melvin: night

Now go read these links:
New American Military Base being Built in Israel

A Nation in Peril by Whitley Striebly

"Another small terrorist attack in the US will not be sufficient. In fact, that will only weaken an administration whose one area of popularity remains its effectiveness against terrorism. No, something much larger is needed now, and the sudden expansion of discussion about the possibility of nuclear terrorism should be taken as a sign and a warning. There is great peril now. If the administration begins to collapse, and that does not seem far off, given Mr. Rove’s troubles, a gigantic terror attack on American soil would seem to be inevitable. We can only hope that they will hesitate to pull the trigger until it is too late for them to do so, in the event, by the grace of God, that time might come." -- excerpt from Nation in Peril, 7/12/05

When a girl has too much time on her hands...

So I've been home the last few days alone. Kids are gone for a couple of weeks. And to get my personal vacation off to a great start, I came down with a UTI. I only have one kidney, so any infection in that system is alarming and the docs have me on strong antibiotics, which have made me feel worse than the damn UTI did. Lovely. I'm sure a good ole yeast infection is next on the agenda.

Today, I've been watching the destruction of Dennis, sad and worried about what is happening in Pensacola. My nephew lives there and got stuck, riding out the storm in his house. He didn't decide to leave in time to get his car filled up with gas - all the stations were out by mid-afternoon yesterday. When he finally found a station that still had gas, they were charging over $4 a gallon. Price gouging is illegal and my nephew phoned in a report as he filled up. Then, roads were already closed or clogged, so he decided to stay put. I hope he is ok. Pensacola hadn't recovered from Ivan a year ago and Dennis was stronger, although it went through the area faster. Maybe the damage won't be as great as feared.

I have to say I had sick little fantasies all afternoon of seeing Anderson Cooper - CNN reporter/entertainer/let-me-show-you-how-macho-my-wimp-ass-is-
by-standing-in-the-middle-of-a-hurricane-idiot -
be blown off his feet and disappear into the swirling storm clouds of Dennis just like Doroththy's house in Wizard of Oz.
Just once, I would like to see this happen.

To pass the time I began looking for new ringtones for my cell phone. I lost patience with the process and downloaded "Who Can It Be Now" by Men At Work rather than searching for a really amazing song clip that would impress all my friends. I wanted to make my own sound clips and use them as ringtones, but had no luck. Just image this being the song that announces someone is calling...

Download artist__track_5.mp3

Good huh?

If only I could have pulled it off...

Then. I found Ringbacks. You can assign songs to your phone for your callers to hear! Sounds like a great and simple idea right? Just choose a song you like, and your callers hear it, rather than a beeping noise. And, you can choose specific songs for specific callers. Now... the complexity begins.
How would you feel if the song you heard was...

Download Scar.mp3

Red Hot Chili Peppers singing "Scar Tissue":
Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic mister know it all
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause
With the birds I'll share
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view

Compared to this song...

Download Linger.mp3

The Cranberries singing "Linger":
But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

See... you have to be very careful in planning who gets which song!

So for now, everyone hears this:

Download artist__track_3.mp3

HAAA!

Right Now

Love is but a song we sing,
And fear's the way we die.

-Stop laughing at me! I'm serious about this...
-I'm not laughing at you. It's just funny.
-What's funny?
-I think it's funny because you are supposed to be the one with all the answers, and you are asking all the questions.
-You don't understand... I don't have any answers anymore. Maye this is the problem. I don't have any answers for anyone. And you're right. I'm supposed to. There's all these people who think I'm going to tell them what to do with their lives. And right now, I don't know what to do with mine. I feel completely unqualified to do my work now.
-Did you feel qualified before?
-Yes, I did.

You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry

-So, what's changed?
-Everything has changed. But mostly - I don't think we have much time left. I just spent a week at a conference with everyone saying we are in a fight for our survival, and we don't know it. We are in a fight for the survival of freedom and truth and love, against tyranny, deception, fear and hatred. And this is a critical moment. I don't have much hope for freedom and love winning out.

Though the bird is on the wing
you may not know why

-You are still dripping wet.
-Sorry, I just had to do it. The sprinklers sounded too inviting. And felt so good.

Come on people now, smile on your brother
Everybody get together, try to love one another right now

So, this is the question. Do we live in the moment and for the moment, or do we live for the future and what will be best down the road? Do we do what will make this moment the most amazing moment possible, or do we turn away from what it could be in hopes of what might be? And what if there is no tomorrow? What if we wait to have the things we most want, sacrificing it all to do the right thing now, and we never get the happiness we are trying to acheive, and we have lost the opportunity to have it, and we could have had it now. It was possible, it is possible, if we would just say yes to it... Do we live for a future we don't believe in... or do we live to experience the greatest manifestation of potential in each moment we have left?

some may come and some may go
we will surely pass
when the one that left us here
returns for us at last
we are but a moment's sunlight
fading in the grass ...

come on people now
smile on your brother
everybody get together
try to love one another right now

if you hear the song we sing
you will understand
you hold the key to love and fear
all in your trembling hand
just one key unlocks them both
it's there at your command
come on people now
smile on your brother
everybody get together

-Let's live for the moment... Can you get those wet clothes off now?

Burn Baby Burn!

Here is a photo of the beginning of the burn, taken by eyeruh . He really captured the mood of the moment, with the lightning in the background. This is one you must view full-scale to get the best effect. Click on the pic!

I've been doing some real intense soul-searching these past few days. It is time for some major life-changes to begin. The changes may not be obvious to others, day-to-day. And I'm giving myself three years to either adjust my current life, or abandon it all together.  Life is too short to not live each day as fully as possible and I have spent far too many years living with constraints and feeling like I am dying inside - I won't do it again.

On the flip side

Some of you will know what I am writing about and get it. Others will only see another rambling post of nonsense and ask what?

But there is another way to get through this world than what the majority of us are doing each day and night. And there are people making it happen in small pockets. Small pockets of time. Small pockets of people. Small pockets of land. I am convinced this other way is how it was meant to be on this earth and if I could I would disappear into one of these pockets today. This was not a dream, it was 5 days of life on the flip side.

We went bringing only what we could carry, only what we needed, and what we wanted to give to others. There were 1,500 of us. Everyone was beautiful. We slept in tents, on the ground, in domes, in pyramids, in each others' arms and beds. We had 40 acres to build our city that has now disappeared - we burned it all before we left. Everyone took responsibility for themselves, but helped anyone who needed it. There was no money exchanged. No bartering even. You gave what you could to who needed it, knowing you would get what you needed, when you needed it. We fed each other. Gave water to each other. Sheltered each other in the storms. And gave love to all.  People were completely free to do what they wanted to do. People were completely free to be themselves and express themselves however they wanted. People dressed they way they wanted, if they wanted to wear clothes. And there was art and music everywhere. We created art and music all the time. And there was fire - everywhere there was fire.  And there was love. We created love all the time and everywhere.

It is difficult to put into words what happened each day. But 1,500 people came together and created something that will never be created again, in exactly the same way. And it was perfect. In our complete freedom - everyone did what was needed. I don't know how to explain this - but we didn't need the rules of society to make the right decisions. People knew what needed to be done and chose to do it. People didn't take advantage of the freedom for their own benefit over someone else. There was such a diversity of people and things happening - it could have been fraught with disagreements and conflict, but it wasn't. People talked to each other, worked out boundaries and respected each other. And gave to each other from their hearts, not beacuse they had to, not because they expected anything in return. Because they wanted to. We were packed in tight. Very little personal and private space. You could hear the people in the next tent, so close you couldn't walk between them - but it was ok because what ever you did was ok. You could be alone in the crowd if you wanted, or you could connect to any number of people who were open to sharing themselves in intimate sincere ways. All facades came down. People sat at each others' fires and shared themselves. We played with lights at night and glow-in-the-dark body paint, and glitter, and ice. We rode flaming see-saws. We danced in fire and with fire. We showered together. We healed each other, and ourselves. I have never felt as beautiful as I did there.

The last night was the big burn. We had created a huge rocket out of wood to burn, along with whatever else we wanted to burn. A storm was coming in from the west and it was predicted to be bad. The clouds were rolling in thick and black as the sun set. Lightning was streaking the sky in amazing spidery fingers. People walked into the circle of the burn and raised their hands to the sky, pressing the storm back - sending the storm around us. Some collapsed from the output of their energy and had to be carried out of the circle. People were drummimg and dancing and spinning fire. The storm was building and the energy was palpable. Lightning was fierce. And they lit the wooden structure and the flames climbed high. The heat was refining - cleansing. As the structure burned, the wind grew in intensity causing embers to fly over the crowd. There was a moment of near panic as the structure began to collapse - sending fire into one section of the crowd - the section where I was standing with my friends. But no one was hurt as we put out the embers with the help of the fire patrol people with their hoses - which drenched us and our things. But we returned to the fire and warmed ourselves and dried our hair and the tears we had cried at the beauty of it all.  Even now as I write this, tears are rolling down my cheeks. The storm never broke over our burn. It went around us. And we released ourselves to the night and the fire. There was so much beauty and love. We found each other and ourselves in this moment of complete freedom to be. We lived and loved in complete freedom and perfection.  We do not have the words in our language to express what I experienced. 

My life will never be the same. I am not the same person I was before. I am finding it difficult to come back to the life I had, and pick up again. I will be spending every moment I can finding these pockets to be a part of - and maybe some day I will be able to make this my life. That is my goal right now. It may take a few years, but somehow I will find a way to do it.  There is another way to live, on the flip side.

My life

I don't know how to write and explain where my life is taking me.  It is changing.  It isn't "par for the course". It is wonderful in so many ways, but I don't know how to talk about it. For those who expressed concern about my car accident - I'm ok. But I've needed to come to terms with who I depend on for help, and who is really there. I don't easily depend on people. And some I've hoped to depend on, haven proven that I should not. And others, new friends, have been there in ways I never expected. I continue to feel that I am coming in to a new era in my life. And it is all good, even if unconventional. I need to remain open to the gifts of love and friendship, even though they are breaking all the rules of convention. The dos and don'ts of life are not working right now. And I can shut it down and return to my solitary existence. Or. I can let in the love that is here and let it be a fountain of blessings - if I dare. I am opening up to people and finding the connection I have longed for. But it is scary. When will the rug be ripped out from under me? When will this be proven to be another circumstance when I fooled myself into thinking I could trust?  I am holding so many pieces of my life in the balance. Will it work or will it be something I come to regret?