I don't know how to write and explain where my life is taking me. It is changing. It isn't "par for the course". It is wonderful in so many ways, but I don't know how to talk about it. For those who expressed concern about my car accident - I'm ok. But I've needed to come to terms with who I depend on for help, and who is really there. I don't easily depend on people. And some I've hoped to depend on, haven proven that I should not. And others, new friends, have been there in ways I never expected. I continue to feel that I am coming in to a new era in my life. And it is all good, even if unconventional. I need to remain open to the gifts of love and friendship, even though they are breaking all the rules of convention. The dos and don'ts of life are not working right now. And I can shut it down and return to my solitary existence. Or. I can let in the love that is here and let it be a fountain of blessings - if I dare. I am opening up to people and finding the connection I have longed for. But it is scary. When will the rug be ripped out from under me? When will this be proven to be another circumstance when I fooled myself into thinking I could trust? I am holding so many pieces of my life in the balance. Will it work or will it be something I come to regret?
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